Predetermination

I have seen through blue birds and red wine the beauty of the world around me. I seem to have a slight grasp of the world at large, but to some it might seem as I am hanging on by a metaphorical thread. Swaying with every calm breeze or heavy storm. Am I being pushed by nature or is it something bigger? Something scripted. Like it's all predetermined. But predetermination can't be plausible with all the random occurrences that pop up every day, can it? Or maybe it isn't a long chain of inexplicable events, but a train track that is headed to a final destination. But what if I get off at the wrong stop? What if I changed predestiny? I hate waking up thinking that I am an actor in someone else's movie. I want to be the leading role, not the supporting cast. But when the "director" hits cut, I wonder where the final scene will be.